Four Ninjas Walk into a Bar…
by Jaece22
Summary: [Pairings: NarutoxGaara Genre: Shonenai] Naruto is on vacation in Suna visiting Gaara. To alleviate boredom he and the sand siblings decide to have a ‘family’ night out. What happens when they wind up in a rough looking bar scene? Mostly fluff with a li


Title: Four Ninjas Walk into a Bar…

This is a oneshot that has been nagging at me to be written for awhile now. I love the sand sibs and love it even more when Naruto is in the mix. It's mostly fluff with a little action thrown in for good measure. If you like it please review. I'm trying to work on my writing skills so feedback would be much appreciated.

Summary: Pairings: NarutoxGaara Genre: Shonen-ai Naruto is on vacation in Suna visiting Gaara. To alleviate boredom he and the sand siblings decide to have a 'family' night out. What happens when they wind up in a rough looking bar scene? Mostly fluff with a little action for good measure.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. I'm not making money off of this either.

Kawaii – Cute / Pretty / Lovable (Like Naruto and Gaara)

Kowai – Scary (Like Temari, Gaara, or Kankurou when they are pissed or Naruto when he is in a ramen feeding frenzy)

Chuhai – A frufru sort of fruity Japanese alcoholic beverage. Sort of like wine coolers here in the States.

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The most annoying thing about living in a desert would be the constant sandstorms. In Suna territory sand fell like rain did in Konoah. Naruto was finding out about this simple fact of desert life the hard way. He had taken vacation from his Konoah ninja duties to come to Suna to spend some quality time with Gaara. His vacation just happened to coincide with one of the worst sandstorms Suna had seen in decades. Naruto and the three sand siblings had been cooped up in Gaara's apartment in the Kazekage tower trying desperately to find new and innovative ways to pass the time. They had played every board game in existence, janken till their fingers hurt, and ate way too much of Temari's cooking. Gaara also found out just how much stamina Naruto had when it came to romantic exploits. He enjoyed the time he spent in bed with his Kitsune but Naruto was quickly wearing him out.

"What? Are you serious? You have to be joking Naruto." Kankurou snickered as he lounged across a lavish couch in Gaara's living room. "You've been dating my little brother for …" Kankurou gazed up at the ceiling while counting out loud on his fingers "one, two, three … four years now and you still don't know his last name? That is just sad. What kind of boyfriend are you?"

Naruto pouted with his lip stuck out ever so slightly. "That cute stuff won't work on me kid save it for Gaara and Temari."

"Well it isn't like Gaara ever told me. Anytime I ask he just tells me to call him Sabaku no Gaara or Kazekage-sama." Naruto's frown quickly turned into an evil smirk. "But I prefer calling him …" Naruto looked up toward the corner of the room where a slim redhead sat comfortably curled up in his favorite chair while reading a book.

"Whoa! Stop! Too much information!" Kankurou sat up flailing his arms and hands about in a motion to signal Naruto should stop right there. "Temari Naruto is being stupid, annoying, and gross." Kankurou yelled in the direction of the kitchen.

"Can't you two try and play nice for once? And Kankurou why don't you act your age?" Temari yelled from the kitchen. She sighed thinking how much Naruto had become a part of the family. It wasn't bad at all. She liked Naruto and he made Gaara happy. It was just that he could be so annoying sometimes. There was that and how Kankurou and he always seemed to manage to pick fights with one another almost as if they were actual brothers. How was it that she had become the parental figure in all this she would never know.

Naruto made a lewd face at Kankurou who sneered and barked back at him "Baka!"

"Baka? Take that back you freaky dolly loving makeup wearing … ummmmm … boy!" Naruto leapt across the small coffee table spilling the carefully constructed platter of dates across the floor. He slammed into Kankurou's chest with a thud knocking him backward off the couch. Naruto's hands wound around his neck choking the life out of him.

"Kaaaaaa" Kankurou hissed and sputtered in a high pitched voice "bad Kitsune bad Kitsune! Gaara get your pet off me!" Gaara never looked up from the book he was reading. He ignored the ongoing riot on the couch and casually turned a page as if this was a normal occurrence in their household.

Temari stormed into the living room with her fan drawn. "I've got a soufflé in the oven. If it falls so help me I'm going to beat the hell out of both of you."

At seeing Temari's rage both Kankurou and Naruto quickly found themselves huddled up in the corner clinging to one another. "Kowai" Naruto whimpered. "At least you don't have to live with her." Kankurou mumbled. "No but I have to eat that 'thing' she is cooking in there." Cried Naruto.

Temari rolled her eyes. If it weren't for Temari her two brothers would starve to death along with Naruto who visited every chance he got. She had no delusions about her culinary skills. She was a konoichi first and foremost so her cooking skill was somewhat lacking. "We've all been shut up in here for three days. I think everyone's temper is running short and a certain one of us could stand to work off some nervous energy." She narrowed her eyes at the innocent looking blond still huddling against Kankurou. "It looks like the sand storm is going to let up soon. It might be a good idea if we all went out on the town. You know sort of a family night."

"With him?" Kankurou pushed the clinging blond away and shook an accusing finger in Naruto's direction. Naruto stuck his tongue out. Temari rolled her eyes again. They were already acting like annoying little brothers and Naruto and Gaara's wedding wasn't until next spring.

Naruto turned his gaze toward the redhead sitting quietly on a recliner in the corner of the room curled up with a book in his hands. He looked so peaceful and innocent. Naruto's eye had an evil glint to it. Gaara was too peaceful and innocent at the moment he would have to do something about that. Naruto strolled over to Gaara and unceremoniously flopped himself into his lap. "You could come to your fiancé's rescue oh great Kazekage of Sunakagre." Gaara's green eyes peered over his book at Naruto. Naruto placed a chaste forceful kiss against the Kazekage's cheek. "You guys can go out. I'm going to sit right here and spend time with my little psycho Tanuki Boy." It hadn't been two hours since their last escapade in the bedroom and honestly Gaara was still feeling a little raw from what went on. Naruto tended to be more aggressive when he had been sitting idle for days on end. It was nice in some ways but odd in others since Gaara had never assumed the role of uke in all his life. Then again it would be a few weeks before Naruto could visit again so it might not be such a bad idea to try it out one more time. Of course he would need to occupy Naruto for a few hours while his body slowly healed from their last romp.

Naruto snapped his head down onto Gaara's shoulder and began sucking and biting at his neck. Gaara forced off the urge to pick Naruto up and take him directly to the bedroom. He promptly turned his attention to his sister. "What did you have in mind Temari?"

Kankurou snorted in disgust "Geeze. Is Naruto in heat or something? At least go to your room to do that."

"I know a nice restaurant on the other side of town then after that we can drop by a bar I found the other day."

Naruto sighed. "Fine but does the restaurant at least server ramen?"

"You can go one night without ramen can't you?" asked Temari.

"No." Naruto said matter of factly and turned back to Gaara "When we get back you are mine Tanuki Boy." Naruto breathed heavily into Gaara's ear causing him to quiver. This was going to be fun. Once again Gaara found himself fighting the urge to ravish Naruto then and there. Gaara decided that when he did give in to the urge he wouldn't give up dominance without a fight but no matter who won in the end the outcome would be good for both of them.

The four ninjas quickly readied themselves for their night on the town and were out the door heading down the road toward the restaurant Temari had talked about. Gaara and Naruto walked close together side by side holding hands while occasionally exchanging looks and genuine smiles.

They walked in bliss for a good ten minutes before a screech pierced the dry desert air. "Gaaaaraaaaa-sama!" There was no mistaking that shrill scream. He had heard it too many times in Konoah when he was around Sasuke. This could only mean that Gaara's self-proclaimed fangirls had found them. Naruto cringed at the thought of what was surely to come next. Naruto's fears were confirmed when he felt the strong hand of one of the said girls thrust hard into his chest throwing him against the wall. The rabid konoichi were now standing in Naruto's rightful place beside Gaara fawning over the crimson haired boy.

Kankurou sent a sympathetic glance over at his future brother-in-law. "I wonder if they'll ever get the message. I mean Gaara never even acknowledges them." Kankurou offered Naruto a hand and hoisted him up from the ground. "Why can't they fawn over me like that? I'm dark and brooding… sometimes."

Naruto was too busy glowering at the girls to pay Kankurou any attention. They tried to attach themselves onto his boyfriend only to be blocked by a wall of sand. The sand soon formed a protective ball around Gaara who was now totally covered. Normally he wouldn't be quite so drastic and would just ignore the girls as best he could. He was the Kazekage after all and had to at least appear approachable. He knew how possessive his little Kitsune could be so drastic measures had to be taken for Naruto's sake. He really didn't want him sulking the rest of the night. There was that and the amount of paperwork he would have to fill out if a Leaf Village ninja beat the hell out of four Sand Village ninjas out of jealousy. At that last thought his mind started drifting to naughty thoughts of how he could reprimand Naruto in such a situation. Being Kazekage certainly had its perks.

"Gaara surely you can see one of us is a better match for you than "the speaker glared in Naruto's direction "him." At this point Gaara could neither see nor hear the fangirls due to his sand barrier not to mention he was lost in a daydream involving Naruto that would make even Jiraiya blush.

If Naruto had been a cat the fur on the back of his neck would be on end. How he hated Gaara's fangirls. Here they were out minding their own business having their first family night out when they were all but assailed. Naruto had had enough. He stalked over to where the Kazekage stood pushing his way between the four girls who were desperately trying to get past the sand. A small opening was formed when Naruto approached and he quickly walked right through. He turned just long enough to stick his tongue out at the girls and flip them the finger before the sand closed back around him. "Mine bitches! Find your own sexy psycho Tanuki."

"Hey ladies. I'm here and I'm still single and willing." Kankurou tried using his most sincere manly voice.

The fangirls promptly fell into a hearty laugh.

"Ouch, that was just my pride breaking." Kankurou winced.

Naruto pouted a little when he realized Gaara was ignoring him. What could he be thinking of at a time like this? He decided to bring him back the best way he knew how. He reached up to the slightly taller boy and placed his lips to Gaara's. Gaara moaned. "Welcome back." Naruto cooed. "Where did I go?" Gaara asked in confusion. "I dunno but it musta been nice. You were mumbling something about a bad Kitsune." Naruto reached up to wipe a small trickle of blood from Gaara's nose. He smiled at the fact he was the only one who could make Gaara do that.

"Hey guys up here!" Temari called from atop a nearby roof. "I went ahead when you started playing with your little friends and made us reservations."

Gaara tentatively dropped the sand shield. After seeing that the fangirls had disbanded he relaxed a bit. He noticed his older brother slumped up against a wall with a disheartened look across his face. Kankurou had been shot down again.

The four ninjas continued their journey from where they left off. A few more minutes down the road and they were at the restaurant. It wasn't too fancy but was far from fast food quality. Fortunately for Naruto it happened that this particular restaurant had a ramen buffet bar. It was a good thing for the restaurant that ramen was a cheap food because Naruto all but cleaned them out. Other than Naruto gagging after hearing what Gaara ordered, liver and onions, and Temari and Kankurou going bug eyed at seeing how many plates of ramen Naruto's small frame could put away the time at the restaurant was uneventful. Once they had finished their meals and chatted a bit they decided to head out to their next stop of the night.

"So how did you find this place Temari?" asked Kankurou.

"Oh I was just out and about one night and got bored. I had heard about it from a friend at work."

"Does Shikamaru know you are going to bars late at night?" Naruto asked accusingly.

Temari hissed at him. "It's none of his business. Besides it's not like I'm trying to pick up men or anything. I just like the karaoke."

Soon the four ninjas found themselves in the old warehouse district in a peculiar looking neighborhood. The neighborhood could best be described as slummy and that would be on a good day. They were surrounded by seedy looking characters. Naruto reached down into his weapon pouch to pull out a kunai while Kankurou slowly slid Karasu into a waiting position. They followed Temari down the dark alleys until they came to a nondescript door set in a brick wall. A weather worn sign over the door read "Oasis". "Here we are." She said as she opened the door.

Once inside the darkened room their noses were assaulted with smoke and the thick smell of cheap alcohol. The guys in the group took seats at the bar while Temari wandered off presumably in search of the karaoke station. A gruff looking man stood behind the bar with a permanent snarl etched into his dark five-o-cock shadow of a beard. Naruto being the boldest of the group ventured to order a drink. In a flash a large bottle of Asahi beer was placed in front of him along with a frosty mug to enjoy it in. Kankurou being a bit more adventurous seeing as how Naruto managed to get something halfway decent decided to order a Shochu. Gaara after having flashbacks of being drunk for the first time at his last birthday party hosted in Konoah by Naruto decided to go with a less alcoholic Chuhai.

After a few drinks none of the three shinobi remembered exactly why they were in the bar in the first place. Valid discussions of Suna's politics soon degenerated, with the help of the alcohol, into what the coolest jutsu is to watch was, to if Jonin x were to fight Jonin y who would kick the most ass, and finally the all important question why did the Akatski paint their nails when they were still around. Their revelry was soon broken when Naruto felt a hard slap on his back.

"Youuuu! I-i challenge you to a dance offfff!" slurred a tipsy Temari as she pointed to an old Dance Dance Revolution platform. "Come on blondie. Ya scared?"

Naruto stood up "Bring it!"

The competition was intense and before long they had a small crowd watching and cheering them on. Surprising Naruto was quite good at dancing. Anyone who had seen him do one of his silly little victory dances would have discounted him from the start but he was really holding his own. Temari still had him beat in the grace department her moves were smooth and flowing like the wind while Naruto's was mostly flashy and hip, well hip until he resorted to doing the 'Robot'. When both dancers finally ran out of moves they called it quits and agreed to a tie.

"Encore Encore Encore!" their fans shouted.

The blonds blushed a bit then obliged by both getting on state at the same time doing a dance that could easily have required stripper poles present. By the time both blonds had finished their last dance almost everyone in the bar had a severe nosebleed. That is everyone except Kankurou who had no vested interest in either blond since one was his sister and the other his brother in law. Not to mention Gaara would probably crush him if he suspected he might have eyes for his Kitsune.

Temari staggered up to the side of the stage hugging Naruto close. "As a special treat for all you nice people me and the bakka here are going to hit the karaoke stage." She turned a set of glazed over eyes at Naruto "whhhatya say Naruto?"

"Lets do it!" With that the two blonds were off to the other side of the bar staggering and tripping over numerous bar patrons in their way. Before long Naruto's broken singing voice could be heard twanging out his part of a duet with Temari's shrieking accompaniment. They were singing some really bad classic country songs.

Meanwhile on the other side of the room Gaara and Kankurou sat at the bar enjoying another round of their drinks after having polished off Naruto and Temari's unattended beverages. Suddenly Kankurou felt a jolt as his chair was kicked from behind. Some roughnecks sitting at a table behind them were glaring at him.

"What are you some kind of drag queen? All that damn face paint." One of the men squawked at him while another made lewd motions. There were five men in all each sporting a worn head protector from one village or another. These men were no doubt simple mercenaries. Kankurou ventured a glance in Gaara's direction. It seemed he hadn't noticed what was going on yet. It must have been the alcohol. Under normal circumstances Kankurou would have been more than able to and obliged to beat their faces in but this was an exception to the rule. He was one of Gaara's closest advisors and as such he had to think of his brother and how his actions would affect the people of Suna. 'Keep it together Kankurou. If you let something get started Gaara will get involved and we don't need that kind of publicity.' Gaara had worked so hard over the last few years to gain the trust of the people of Suna. Even with all that hard work it would only take one incident for the fear and hate to resurface in the minds of the people. Gaara normally didn't get involved in altercations unless they were important but when he did there was hell to pay. There would be loss of life and lots of damage.

"Come on boy get up on that pole. If you're gonna wear that makeup you might as well shake it. Put on a show like that fruity blond boy and hussy with you did a few minutes ago." Kankurou gripped his mug tight. That was the last straw bringing his family into it. It took every fiber of Kankurou's will to not turn around and rip their heads off.

Gaara slammed his cup down. He had had enough of this nonsense. He let it slip once but he wasn't about to let this go on. Kankurou cringed. How was he going to spin this to the public much less the elder council? Gaara started to get up when a tan hand landed on his shoulder. It could only be Naruto since he was the only one the sand didn't protect him against. Sure enough behind him stood Naruto and Temari fresh from their karaoke session which was less well received than their dance-off.

"I'll take care of this." Naruto flashed Gaara and Kankurou a mischievous smile as Temari took a seat.

Naruto turned to face the men at the table behind them.

"You guys probably don't know me. My name is Uzumaki Naruto future Hokage of the Village Hidden in the Leaf. I'm also here with my new family sitting over there. I've never had a family before so I honestly don't know how to act sometimes. We get on each others nerves a lot but at the end of the day I know I always have people to come home to that love me. You can never understand how important something like that is unless you've never had a chance to experience it. I used to think I was Ok because I didn't know what I was missing since I never had a real family. I was wrong. I realize just how big of an empty hole there was in my soul all that time without one now that its finally been filled in. These guys, and gal, are precious to me. In a few months I'm going to get married to that redhead over there." Naruto pointed at Gaara while beaming a smile in his direction. "It's a really great deal. I get a wonderful husband, the Kazekage no less, and a brother and sister in one day. So you see I can't let you talk bad about Kank… no my big brother." Kankurou flashed a thumbs up at Naruto whose smile widened as his face lit up.

"You stupid little shit. I'll teach you to lecture us." A hulking man started to stand up from his chair. Gaara, Temari, and Kankurou immediately tensed in unison ready to pounce on the man thinking Naruto might be in trouble. Before anyone could react Naruto's small but strong hand clasp the man's shoulder forcing him back into his seat easily.

"Don't be in such a hurry. I'm only getting started." Naruto started hand signs. "Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" In a puff of smoke nine Naruto clones spread out around the table each behind on either side of one of the men. The men started to jump up at seeing Naruto's clones but before they could do anything the extra set of clones had finished forming a Rasengan ball in the other Narutos' hands. "Rasengan!" screamed the Naruto's in unison as they pushed the chakra ball hard against each man's head. The men twisted up into the air and slammed into one another at the center of the table. Naruto was sure to only use enough energy to knock them out. They crashed hard into the table breaking it and sprawling the men over the floor. Each man had a swirl pattern tore out of the hair on their head. As quickly as the clones had appeared the disappeared in puff of smoke. Naruto walked back over to his family with one hand behind his head.

"Show off." Gaara mumbled as he took Naruto into a warm embrace and planted a kiss on his whiskered cheek.

There is a certain dynamic of bar life that none of the four ninjas were aware of. If a punch is thrown the rest of the bar patrons feel they have to contribute to the mayhem. Before anyone knew it the entire bar broke out into an all out riot. Chairs were being thrown and bottles were going upside people's heads. Naruto having been cooked up in an apartment for the past three days squealed with joy as he launched himself in the middle of the action. Temari looked to Kankurou who just shrugged and pulled Karasu from his back. With a smile the two tore off into the crowd to participate in the carnage. Gaara not to be outdone decided he would join in. He bolted across the room to stand behind Naruto who was being encircled by bar angry patrons. "This sort of thing always happens when you come to visit." Gaara said as he poked Naruto in the back playfully. "Yea but it makes things interesting doesn't it?" Naruto responded with a playful shove. The next thing they knew they were head to head with twenty rough looking ninjas. The night wore on and the four ninjas found that they enjoyed themselves greatly. Naruto would occasionally glance over his shoulder at his boyfriend. To his great surprise Gaara wasn't using his sand but was fighting with TaiJutsus only. The sand would still block for him since that was automatic but he seemed to be enjoying himself.

After the sun started to slowly peek over the distant horizon the fighting started to stop. It was then that the four ninjas learned the second dynamic of bar life. Everyone left standing started shaking hands and congratulating one another for making it through the night. It seemed nobody was holding a grudge but rather enjoyed the rough and tumble action. Soon a very tired group of sand siblings and one content Naruto found themselves trudging back toward the Kazekage tower.

"You know Gaara I was really surprised. I've never seen you use TaiJutsu before." Naruto slung his arm around Gaara's shoulders.

"Just because I don't use it doesn't mean I don't know it. Besides I was practicing for later today."

"Hmmm? What do you mean?" asked Naruto.

"You said I was going to be 'yours' when we got back to the apartment. I'm going to make you work hard for it." Gaara sent a smirk in Naruto's direction.

"I love it when you're bad."

"You haven't seen anything yet Naruto my love." Gaara's smirk turned into one of his trademark evil and sadistic grins. Gaara's grin reminded him of the time he fought him at the Chuunin exams. He wasn't sure if he should be excited or scared. Yes this was going to be grand fun.

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Wow that was a lot longer than I expected. Hope you enjoyed it. I certainly enjoyed writing it. 


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